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"So Ya Wanna Take My Picture"
Received an email today...."Free photos for Seniors" .....I've been getting things from the AARP....the reduced rates, burial rates and discounts of old folks, etc. but I couldn't believe it....totally pissed me off. How did they know my age.....why would you offer a free photo to someone when they're old and wrinkled. I quickly opened the email, repared to blast somebody with a WTF ya thinking....why didn't ya send this to me when I was 30 or 40....... then I noticed the text and thank goodness I read further before responding......high school seniors......felt like such a dumb ass.... elevated blood pressure and all.....such a dumb ass!
"Insanity of Realty" - "Reality of Insanity"
Two weeks and counting.....
Served a 22 year sentence....expected life without parole when suddenly word spreads of a pardon. August 26th the date and I'm outta here....early release? Ss u r e.....and I'm taking friends when I go!
The enviroment here is cold year round... designed to make one focus on why we're here, creating less distractions? I've spent hours looking out this window onto the world wondering what I'd do or where I'd go if .... yet never dreaming this day would come. Now, I begin to gather the small peices of me...strown in my work area and prepare to walk through that doorway one last time and hear the key turn behind me. Only 10 more days and it's over.
The system leads you to believe skills learned inside will prepare you for another life...yet if this were true would you not still hold value here? How do you begin after years of insanity? Survival meant buying into a system of rules, loyalities, core values, all of which... mean absolutely nothing. Valuable time, meaningful occassions, events I should've attended passed ....while I marred knee deep in BS thinking it made a difference. It doesn't....it never did. In retrospect, now stripped of self confidence, beaten, critiqued and harshly judged ... yet I willingly participated in foolish games where rewards are dispursed much like tossing dog treats to a pet.
Chants of Hoopla's echo as we exit. Clear vision, understanding now that where people once stood now stand pawns lined, waiving their tickets for seats to ride 'the happy bus' . The driver sits up, looking forward but wearing a mask. Still he's easily recognized from the required name tag....FEAR.
Rushing to put distance between myself and the titanic I glance back with clear understanding. My worth will never be determined by what someone else thinks. I choose a long and painful sentence that will soon be a bad memory but until that day theres no time for bitterness or regrets....only acceptance of the journey.
"Mac Margarita"
A casual dinner invitation Fri. July 15 with friends...no big deal.
The work day ended at 6:00 followed by drinks with the girls. Driving home, my mind was crowded with excuses to cancel dinner. I arrived home and hurried inside to my puppy, Mac, who'd spent 12 hours inside his crate. I'm never certain if he's thrilled to see me or just excited to be released from his crate, but our greeting ritual begins. It consist of baby-puppy-blabber, squeezes, hugs, licks, dancing-around-the-room, etc. and I knew I couldn't go to dinner and leave him again. I called my friend to explain. (they have cats - no dog). I begin with ... I was late getting home, really difficult day and just don't have the heart to lock Mac again and I couldn't imagine bringing a rambunctious puppy along. She hesitated a moment then response...."no, no, I think that would be fine…just come to the back & we'll give Mac full run of the sunroom and deck and keep the cats inside separate". Geez, what friends! "Mackie Ole Boy," I say, "we going to dinner tonight"! He’s wagged his tail wildly as if he understood every word. I had a dog leash in one hand and a freshly salted, (what I like to call my) big ass, margarita glass in the other as we head out. I opened the truck door and placed my margarita in the cup holder between the seats. I lifted Mac into the drivers seat where he normally jumps the console, into the passenger seat. Yep, he damn near made it this time too, except for his left, back leg which landed directly in my margarita glass... he stumbled backwards (guess the cold surprised him) to a near sitting position but recovered quickly jerking his leg from my glass and continuing across as if nothing happened. Riding along he licks tequila from his leg, and looks up with big ole Shizu eyes. I’m sure if he could speak he'd say…"now that’s good stuff Mama!” Well damn, I'm thinking...as I take another drink from my glass and said… “If we both gonna drink tequila, Mackie...somebody better find a job!”
Sitting here today ....looking through classified job ads.... it hits me….....I drank my first Margarita, with no hesitation, stirred with a dog's hind leg! damn! Wonder if there's any bartending jobs open for Shitzu's?
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